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Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: amarillo,tx Age: 30 Posts: 3,705 Rep Power: 66 
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Here are the spoilers
The show began with Vince McMahon be-bopping his ridiculous self to the ring. He said last week he announced he would take no crap from anyone, ever again. Not from the fans, not from Shawn Michaels, not from anyone. That means no more Mr. Nice Guy, even though half or more of the time he’s been a heel anyway lately. He said he should have spit on Michaels last week, or fired him on the spot. But he’s going to move on from the Montreal Incident for himself, and not for any of the fans. Because he’s done doing things for the fans, and will from this point on only do things for himself. The first blood match on this show between Kurt Angle and John Cena was simply for his own amusement. As is the match that Lilian Garcia was about to introduce.
(1) Kane defeated Shawn Michaels. Before the match, Vince announced that if Michaels used his damn superkick (his words not mine) during the match, he would be automatically disqualified. Kane was very pleased about this. Michaels started things off by chopping away at his larger opponent in the corner. Kane turned the tide and hit some punches and kicks in the corner. McMahon watched the match from ringside, right next to the announce desk. Michaels got a two count off a surprise small package. Michaels got a sunset flip for a two count. Kane cut Michaels off and choked him out with his boot on the throat. Kane showed some energy in punching and elbowing at Michaels and then went for another choke for good measure. Kane continued to methodically go to work on Michaels. Michaels battled back with some punches and chops, and then clotheslined Kane over the top rope and to the floor. He then hit a suicide dive over the top and took out Kane. McMahon walked over to where the wrestlers were and got in Michaels’ face. Michaels said he has given McMahon everything, but McMahon said that wasn’t enough. Kane took Michaels out on the outside as Joey Styles pondered how Michaels could possibly win without the superkick.
[commercial break]
We came back from break with Michaels riding Kane’s back, trying to use a sleeper to subdue the big man. Kane kept ramming him back-first into the turnbuckles, but Michaels kept recovering and jumping back on. Kane finally suplexed his way out of Michaels’ grasp and then missed an elbow drop. Michaels went up top, but Kane caught him on the way down. Kane again went to the choke. Kane hit a huge legdrop that impressed McMahon very much. Michaels wasn’t as impressed, though, since he kicked out at two. Michaels went for a comeback after an extended stay by Kane on the offensive, but Kane pulled an Undertaker and sort of traded offensive moves during Michaels’ comeback. Michaels ran into Kane’s grasp coming off the ropes and Kane went for the chokeslam, but Michaels got out of it. Michaels chopped away at Kane and then hit the flying forearm. Michaels hit an inverted atomic drop and then a DDT for a two count. Michaels hit a quick swinging neckbreaker for another two count. McMahon pointed out with his fingers that it was only two. Michaels ran into a big boot that rendered McMahon in awe. Kane went up top but missed a clothesline. Michaels hit a couple clotheslines of his own and then went up top and dropped an elbow. Michaels looked out at McMahon and then made like he was tuning up the band for the sweet chin music. McMahon got on the microphone and said not only would Michaels lose the match if he did the superkick, he’d be thrown out of the Elimination Chamber match completely. A distracted Michaels then fell victim to a Kane chokeslam for the pinfall.
As McMahon was walking to the back, he called out Todd Grisham, complete with microphone and lifelike facial features. He whispered something to Grisham, who then walked towards the ring. McMahon flexed to send the crowd home happy.
[commercial break]
Grisham announced to Michaels that he would be the number one entrant into the Elimination Chamber match at the PPV on Sunday. He wanted to get Michaels’ thoughts on this, but Michaels just kept walking to the back. Grisham helpfully informed us all that the number one entrant has never won an Elimination Chamber match. This probably isn’t the first time Grisham has been ignored by the person he was talking to.
They aired a clip from last week’s WWE.com Unlimited broadcast, where Gregory Helms, the former Hurricane, was complaining about how he wasn’t on Raw again that week. He targeted Jerry Lawler, because of the disrespectful things he said about him on commentary or something. Back to live time, Lawler said Helms would have to look in the mirror to figure out why he wasn’t being booked on the A-show. Helms came out to the ring and continued his anti-Lawler diatribe. He said Lawler likes to hide behind the announce desk when he’s taking shots at someone. He challenged Lawler to come to the ring to hear him out face-to-face. Helms said if anyone should be made fun of for looking ridiculous and being a joke, it was Lawler. Lawler said the Hurricane character was at least halfway entertaining, but now he’s just some guy. A guy who sucks. Helms slapped Lawler, who retaliated with some right hands to run Helms out of the ring. Lawler challenged Helms to a match at the PPV and the fans were solidly behind him.
[commercial break]
Backstage in McMahon’s office, he was talking to Mickie James about her kiss to Trish Stratus last week, when all the sudden Kurt Angle and Daivari barged in on the scene. I’ve never been more sad to see Angle in my life. Angle complained about getting screwed over last week, and he said it wouldn’t happen again. McMahon pointed out that the troops would love to see Angle get his ass kicked and bleed on this show. Angle said he didn’t care about the troops or what they thought. He said he liked violence, and vowed to make Cena bleed, like, a lot. He said Sunday on the PPV he would make Cena tap out and take the World Title from him. McMahon turned his attention back to James, and then they immediately cut that off and went to the announcers. This has to be some sort of rib on me. They showed footage from last week’s kissing angle.
As Styles was pointing out how creepy that was, they cut to Grisham backstage with Trish Stratus, who was working out or whatever. Grisham asked her about the kiss, but Stratus talked mostly about the match. She said she would do what it takes to win the match and keep her title. Grisham wondered if James was just playing mind games with her, and Stratus basically said she didn’t know, and get the heck away from me because I’m about to take a shower. This isn’t Grisham’s night.
[commercial break]
They showed footage of Maria’s “Kiss Cam” segment from WWE.com’s Unlimited webcast. It’s the same thing they do at Milwaukee Brewers baseball games where they show couples on the big screen, highlighting by a big heart, and once they show you you’re supposed to kiss. Victoria, Candice Michelle and Torrie Wilson came out and made some disparaging remarks towards Maria. It was on like Donkey Kong.
(2) Maria defeated Victoria. Victoria kicked away at Maria to start things off and then choked her in the corner. She snapped Maria over and then slapped on a nice looking surfboard style maneuver, pulling back on Maria’s arms. Victoria choked her out on the second rope, and then distracted the ref so Wilson could come up with her dog and rub its ass in her face. I am not making this up. Maria slugged Candice off the apron, and then moments later got out of the way of a charging Victoria in the corner and managed to steal away the victory. After the match, the three women ganged up on Maria and tore off part of her clothes. They stomped away on her and generally were having their way, when all the sudden Ashley came out to help even the odds. She was soon overcome too, however, by sheer numbers.
We came back from break with the announcers putting over how you no longer have to channel surf during commercial breaks on Raw, because you can just log onto your computer and go to WWE.com and check out the footage on Unlimited. They then cut to an Unlimited segment that just happened during the break, where McMahon came out and declared that all the ladies that were in the ring (Candice, Torrie, Victoria, Ashley, Maria) would compete in the first ever bra and panties gauntlet match on the PPV.
They then cut to Trish Stratus in the shower. Mickie James came onto the scene and took her towel to get her attention. She apologized for what happened last week and then as she was handing Trish her towel, she commented on how nice Stratus’ boobs were. Once again, everything you see here actually happened. The announcers pondered whether James was just doing all this stuff to get in Stratus’ head.
Edge and Lita came out, with microphone. Edge said he’s caught a lot of flak from people about how he’s been treating Ric Flair lately. He said it was all crap though because he’s the Rated R Superstar and all, not to mention what he’s been saying about Flair is the truth. If you don’t believe him, he managed to get his hands on some footage of Flair taken from the infamous road rage incident. They cut to footage of Flair, looking a lot like Edge, driving in his car and getting outraged as someone cut him off. He pulled over to the side of the road, Wooo’ing many, many times, and then pulled the guy out of his car. “I care about me. I’m the Nature Boy. I care about me.” – Edge as Flair. He chopped at the guy, Woo’d, strutted around and then hilariously locked on the figure four in the middle of the road. They then cut back to live time, where Edge said Flair was pathetic and that the people were laughing at him. Edge said at the PPV he would be rescuing the Intercontinental Title from Flair. Flair could take no more and came out to pound away on Edge. It was great because they rolled around on the rampway, coming down to the ring. In the ring, Flair chopped and punched away on Edge and then backdropped him. He went for the figure four, but Lita jumped on his back. He flipped her off of him and then applied the figure four on her. Close enough, I suppose. Edge and Lita then headed for higher ground as Flair invited them back into the ring.
[commercial break]
They hyped up Stacy Keibler’s appearance on the “Dancing with the Stars” show.
(3) Chris Masters defeated Shelton Benjamin. Masters started things off by ramming Benjamin back-first into the turnbuckles. Benjamin ducked out of the way of a clothesline and applied a crucifix into a pinning combination for two. Masters went for a suplex, but Benjamin flipped out of it. Masters hit a clothesline instead. Masters pounded away on the prone Benjamin and then dropped an elbow. Masters then hit the snake eyes, but moments later Benjamin started firing away with some punches of his own. Benjamin hit the Stinger Splash in the corner and generally had things well in hand. Benjamin hit a big time knee lift and then a kick to the jaw for a two count. Benjamin hit a big clothesline for a two count. Masters caught Benjamin going for a bodypress and then went to apply the masterlock. Benjamin countered out of it with a neckbreaker. Masters moments later managed to lock in the masterlock and Benjamin ended up giving up. This means we’re for sure seeing his mother on this show later on.
[commercial break]
They showed John Cena interacting with a couple Pittsburgh Steelers at a house show, including quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. Roethlisberger turned down Coach’s proposal to help him with marketing ideas and such. Coach said he’d be cheering for the Cincinnati Bengals in this week’s playoff match-up.
Triple H came out for one of his epic soliloquies. They aired footage from last week’s contract signing angle, where Triple H poked Big Show in the eye with a pen and then smashed his hand with the sledgehammer. Hunter said a lot of people in this world talk about the things they want done, but when it comes to doing it, they fail miserably. This is where he differs from most people, because he delivers every single time he says he will. He said everything he does in the ring is calculated, and there is nothing left to chance when it comes to him. He said it could be in the ring, backstage, during a contract signing, what have you. He said Show had to learn the lesson the hard way, and then they showed footage from five weeks on Raw where Show claimed he didn’t need a sledgehammer to take someone out, because he could it with his bare hands. Hunter remembered vividly what happened last week when he broke Show’s damn hand. He said nothing was funnier to him than other people’s misfortune, but Show probably didn’t find it funny and it wasn’t supposed to be. It was supposed to be a message to Show to not push his luck with the Game. Hunter said Show would learn firsthand the old adage is true: the bigger they are, the harder they fall. Show came out with his right hand all bandaged up from the sledgehammer shot. Hunter mocked him and then got the heck out of the ring. Smart man. He grabbed a chair and challenged Show to come get him. Show punched the chair out of Hunter’s hand, and then the TV monitor Hunter grabbed from the announce desk. Show continued to make a mess out of the ringside area, busting up the announce table and turning over those 456,091 pound steel ring steps. Styles pointed out that Show’s right hand is now like his very own sledgehammer.
They aired the weakly Smackdown Rebound, focusing on Melina’s sexual harassment charges against Batista based on their interaction from the previous week’s show. Her body is her temple and all that. MNM then defeated Batista & Rey Mysterio for the tag team titles with the help of the returning Mark Henry.
[commercial break]
Backstage, we saw the debut of Shelton Benjamin’s momma. She chewed him out for losing another match. She said he’s become soft lately, and that Benjamins don’t take ass whuppings, they give them. She told him to hit the showers, because he stinks.
They aired a video hyping up the Elimination Chamber as a demonic structure and such (they’d been airing footage from old Elimination Chamber matches all show). They then ran down the lineup for the New Year’s Revolution card: Triple H vs. Big Show, Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James for the Women’s Title, Jerry Lawler vs. Gregory Helms, Ric Flair vs. Edge for the Intercontinental Title, Maria vs. Ashley vs. Victoria vs. Candice vs. Torrie Wilson in a bra and panties gauntlet match, and John Cena vs. Kurt Angle vs. Carlito vs. Chris Masters vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Kane in the Elimination Chamber match for the WWE Title.
[commercial break]
John Cena came out for the main event first blood match.
It’s ’06, the Truth is back, still standing tall on these punks
The Chamber is coming up so now I’m calling out chumps
Masterlock I got your key, you ain’t no threat to me
Chris Masters can’t even spell WWE
He’s got a body to make the people say, “Oh my God!”
But his masterpiece is smaller than a nano iPod
And Carlito, his nappy roots look like about a hundred brillos
On TV he bites apples, at home he bites pillows
So when I get you in the Chamber, I know you ain’t going far
His head looks like the crotch on a ‘70s porn star
Kurt Angle wants to knock the troops, don’t worry I’ll make him cut back
They risk their lives over there Kurt, you can’t even find your nut sack
You see I ride for my soldiers, I put Kurt’s ass on all fours
They found Saddam in one hole Kurt, I’ll shove Daivari up yours
At about this point, Angle and Daivari interrupted him by coming out for the match as well. Styles helpfully pointed out that Angle didn’t appear amused at Cena’s words.
[commercial break]
(4) Kurt Angle (w/Daivari) defeated John Cena in a first blood match. We came back with the match already in progress. Angle hit a German suplex and held on to hit three more. Daivari got up on the apron and exposed one of the turnbuckles. Angle pounded away on Cena. Angle went to ram Cena’s head into the exposed steel, but Cena cut him off and battled back. Daivari tripped Cena up as he bounced off the ropes. Cena then took out Daivari and then sent Angle flying over the top rope and to the floor as well, via a backdrop. Cena stalked Angle on the outside. Angle went back into the ring and distracted the ref, which allowed for Daivari to punch away on Cena on the outside using Angle’s gold medal. Angle rammed Cena’s head into the ring apron a couple times and then returned action to the ring. Cena battled back, but soon was caught with a belly-to-belly overhead throw suplex. Angle finally did manage to ram Cena’s head into the exposed turnbuckle. Angle pulled his straps down to show that he really meant business at this point. He hit the Angle Slam and then went outside to grab a chair. He missed the chairshot and Cena battled back with punches and a shoulderblock. Cena grabbed the chair, but Angle rolled out of the ring. Daivari jumped on Cena’s back, which caused enough distraction for Angle to come back into the ring and attack Cena from behind. Cena went for the F-U, but Angle sunset flipped his way out of it and locked in the anklelock. Cena flipped out of it and sent Angle into the referee. Cena grabbed the chair and Angle pleaded with him not to use it. Daivari caused another distraction and Angle came from behind and plastered Cena with the chair. Angle punched away on Cena’s head and it was revealed that Cena was cut wide open. Cena was great at selling all this. Cena got his second wind and locked in the STF-U, but Daivari revived the ref, who saw that Cena was bleeding profusely and awarded the match to Angle. Cena held onto the submission hold for several seconds more, and then turned his attention to Daivari.
Carlito and Masters hit the ring to soften up the champion some more before the Elimination Chamber match. Angle called off the dogs and locked in the anklelock himself. Masters then applied the masterlock. Kane came out to get him some of the action. Masters took center ring calling him out. Kane obliged by immediately giving him, and then Carlito, chokeslams. Angle ran into a big boot, and then Kane chokeslammed Daivari for good measure. Out of nowhere, Shawn Michaels arrived on the scene and gave Kane some sweet chin music. Cena struggled to make his feet and then gave Michaels a hope F-U. All six men were down, selling their various aches and pains. They played Cena’s music and he struggled to get up as the show went off the air.
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Im young and thuggin, I dont give a f*ck.
He can make love to you, im gonna beat it up
I caused dreams that cause death that is my crime
"los pocos elegidos"  |
