[chesticles]

This week RAW starts with music and pyro - no opening vignette, guess it’s because we are starting off with a title match.

HHH comes out first to huge pop. Video of Cena and HBK against Spirit Squad - HHH comes out and gives Cena a pedigree. Lillian is starting to introduce Cena when Vince’s music hits. She stops mid-sentence and HHH’s jaw drops.
Vince says he has great news for us all. He’s changing tonight’s main event - for the better. We are expecting the WWE Championship to be up for grabs momentarily - and we’re right. But so is the IC Title. RVD will join forces with Cena and they will be facing HHH, Shelton Benjamin and Chris Masters. It’s a three on two Texas Tornado match! Whoever pins Cena gets his title or whoever pins RVD wins his title.
HHH is pissed and cusses under his breath as he stomps around the ring.
Cena comes down to the ring and they immediately start exchanging punches. The rest of the participants run in and join the fun. Cena gets tossed out of the ring by HHH who rolls out after him. Outside HHH punches Cena’s head nearly off his shoulders. In the ring Chris and RVD are fighting. Chris gains control. Shelton helps Chris beat down RVD. Outside Cena is tossed into the steps. HHH leads Cena around to another set of stops and tries to bounce Cena’s head off the steps but Cena reverses it and HHH’s head hits the steps.
RVD is suddenly in the ring alone. He looks around to find his opponents. RVD runs and does a suicide dive over the top rope. He takes down Shelton, Chris and Cena all at once.

- Commercial

HHH nails a spinebuster on Cena in the center of the ring. The rest are outside on the floor looking like they’ve run the gauntlet. Cena ducks a clothesline from HHH and nails a shoulder block and a scoop slam for two. Cena gets tossed from the ring and HHH rolls out after him. Cena’s face gets bounced off the steps. HHH gets bounced off the barrier. Shelton throws punches at Cena and tosses him over the barrier with a spinning heel kick.
In the ring Chris pins RVD for two. Chris drops a leg on RVD. Shelton joins in the RVD beat down. RVD gets hung up on the second rope and Shelton nails a knee to his face from the apron. Chris grabs RVD and nails a delayed vertical suplex. Chris leans back from a prone RVD for HHH to drop a knee on RVD’s head.
Shelton waits for RVD to get to his feet and kicks him in the back of the head. Shelton covers RVD and HHH pulls him off. As they argue Chris locks the masterlock on RVD. Both of the other heels realize it and break up the hold. HHH pushes Chris as they argue about who should win, Shelton is also arguing with them.
RVD takes down Chris and Shelton and kicks HHH in the face. Rolling thunder to Shelton and Chris gets tossed from the ring. HHH pushes RVD over the top to the outside.
Cena enters the ring and takes down the heels with a variety of suplexes. Shelton gets nailed with the 5 knuckle shuffle. HHH goes for the pedigree and Cena tosses him out over the top with a back body drop. Cena then tosses Chris out after HHH. Cena locks the STFU on Shelton. Shelton is about to tap when Chris breaks it up. RVD climbs and hits the five star frog splash on Shelton. RVD runs into the pedigree. Cena gets Chris with the FU. HHH then nails Cena with the pedigree. HHH covers Cena, but Shelton throws an arm over RVD less than a second before HHH’s cover. The ref counts Shelton’s cover for three.
HHH jumps to his feet in victory when Lillian announces Shelton as the winner and new IC Champion. HHH is confused and pissed. To get out his frustration he hits the ref with the pedigree and stomps up the ramp.

- Winner: Shelton Benjamin - IC Champion

- Commercial

During commercial Todd tries to get a word form HHH. HHH glares at him and stomps off.

King says Foley will later explain his actions of last week.

Trish comes down to the ring with her arm still in a sling. She’s wearing jeans, a white tank top and white cowboy boots with very low heels. She grabs a mic and tells Mickie they have a little unfinished bin-ess. She says it’s not about a match, or the Woman’s Championship. She tells Mickie to get down there now so they can settle it.
Mickie’s music hits and she comes out yelling at Trish as she walks down the ramp. Mickie is in a white tank, orange miniskirt and white low heeled boots.
Mickie rushes Trish who does a back bend to avoid the clothesline. Mickie stops and kicks the bottom rope out of frustration. Mickie turns around to go after Trish again and the same blonde from last weeks rushes the ring and attacks her. She takes Mickie down and then gets a good hold of Mickie’s hair again. Mickie gets to the ropes and kicks the blonde in the chest - hard - a couple times to get her to let go of her hair. Mickie rolls from the ring and slowly backs up the ramp.
Trish grabs a mic and asks Mickie if she remembers her old friend Beth, well now she’s Trish’s new friend. Beth takes the mic and tells Mickie she’s not going to get away with it, “You psycho!” Mickie is on the ramp shaking with a freaked out look on her face. She normally plays a pretty good psycho, but this time she just looks like an idiot and a bad actor.

Video from the premier of See No Evil. HHH, Foley, Cena, Trish, JBL and Kane speak about the movie on the red carpet. Then fans talk about the movie. (I can’t wait to see it, but hope it’s not like some of Vince’s other non-wrestling ventures, *cough* XFL *cough*.)

- Commercial

This Week In Wrestling History - 1960 Bruno Sammartino wins the Heavy Weight Title at MSG.

In the locker room HHH is throwing things. Shane enters and HHH glares at him. Shane says he’s there to collect on Vince’s favor. HHH is pissed about the cluster Vince just put him in. Shane says that Vince did for him, so HHH needs to do the same.
Shane brings up the Kenny and HBK match. HHH says he won’t be the special guest ref. Shane says they don’t want him to be because Shane is the guest ref. But since the SQ is banned from ringside they want HHH in Kenny’s corner to make sure HBK gets what he deserves. Shane then slaps HHH on the chest in a friendly way and calls him champ. HHH glares so much that Shane apologizes.

Spirit Squad comes out to the ring for a tag title match. There are four of them out there as Kenny has a match later. They do a cheer about who they will be facing, but it was so garbled that the only thing I understood was Goldust. They need to learn how to get in synch so people at home can understand them - Is it this bad in person?

- Commercial

Anthony Michael Hall is in the front row.

Goldust and Gene Snitsky come down to the ring together. King talks about Snitsky’s foot fetish. JR says there’s nothing wrong with having a foot fetish he supposes. King stops dead and questions JR. JR ducks the question deftly and keeps going. (I missed JR.)
Snitsky and Johnny start. Johnny gets a side headlock on Snitsky but runs into a shoulder block. Snitsky slams Johnny twice and drops an elbow fir two.
Goldust tags in. Johnny runs into Goldust’s bum which is mid-air. Goldust starts working Johnny’s left arm with arm bars and a leg drop. Johnny telegraphs and gets punched for it. Goldust nails an inverted atomic drop but gets tossed from the ring. The other SQ members attack him. Goldust gets rolled in and covered for two.
Mikey tags in and distracts the ref while the SQ attacks Goldust. Mikey covers for two. Mikey nails Snitsky so Goldust can’t tag out. Mikey covers for two.
Johnny tags in and they double team Goldust. Johnny covers for two. Johnny gets a headlock on Goldust. They are down on the mat in the center of the ring. Goldust fights to his feet and throws elbows. Johnny nails a hip lock takeover for two.
Mikey tags in and Goldust gets a backslide for two. Goldust nails a powerslam, both are down. Goldust reaches but is unable to tag. Finally Goldust gets away from Mikey to tag in Snitsky.
Snitsky takes down both Johnny and Mikey. Snitsky covers for two. One of SQ distracts the ref from outside while another uses the trampoline to attack Snitsky. He then pulls the legal man over Snitsky for the three count.

- Winners: Spirit Squad

Outback Foley is heading for the ring with his ever-famous slight smirk decorating his face. Of course he’s in red and black plaid flannel over a Cactus Jack t-shirt.

- Commercial

Video recap of Foley and Edge attacking Tommy Dreamer last week.

Foley’s music hits and he comes down to the ring. His hair is getting so long that he has part of it pulled back into a rubber band. He grabs a mic and there’s very little noise from the crowd, but what there is is negative.
He says he wants to answer the question we are all asking - what was Foley doing with Melina at the See No Evil premier? He asks if we saw how she looked at him?
As far as the other thing, the unfortunate incident with Dreamer. He can’t believe he bludgeoned his close friend of so many years. Also he shook Edge and kissed Lita’s hand. He could say it was all the blows to the head, but we deserve more than that. He should apologize. So, for Texas he has two words, “I’m sorry.”
He would like to be able to say these words to Dreamer but he had an unfortunate incident with a barbed wire baseball bat. So instead he would like to say it to his mentor who had left a questioning message on his answering machine about what Foley did to Dreamer.
They show video of the 1998 dumpster match at WM where Foley and Funk tagged together.
Funk’s music hits and he comes down to the ring to HUGE pop.
Foley says it’s great to see him.
Funk tells Foley not so fast. He says he knows the reason why he humiliated Dreamer. He then asks why Foley humiliated Dreamer. (I’m confused.)
Foley says they at WM he and Edge had the greatest hardcore match.
Funk tries to cut him off.
Foley says he’s not going to let a second rate ECWer come into their ring. He says he will defend three things - his wife, his kids and his legend.
Funk says Foley is ECW. ECW is family. They - Funk and Foley - had great matches in ECW. They broke each other noses, they’ve been in fire and barbed wire, and at the end he always put his arm around Foley because he’s like a son to Funk.
Foley asks if he’s like a son to him.
Funk says, yes, like a son.
They hug.
Foley says it’s been since 1998 that they were in a WWE ring together, but it wasn’t supposed to be that way. When he got the Hardcore Title Funk wasn’t there. He was at the Double Cross Ranch because Funk wanted too much money to be there. Now Funk wants to say Foley’s like a son to him? This is Foley’s ring, Foley’s fans. Then one day he will get a call that Funk is gone and does Foley want to come out and say something? Foley will say he wants too much money to go to stinking west Texas.
But then, no, it won’t cost any money because Foley will come for free to spit on Funk’s grave.
Funk and foley want to take each other apart. Funk starts telling Foley to take his best shot. He bitch slaps Foley over and over telling him to take it. Funk tells him if he had a head like Foley’s he would get it circumcised. Foley has his back turned on Funk, trying to ignore him. Foley’s face is white as a sheet and fixed as stone. Hey Foley, hey Foley, Funk says, your wife’s a whore. Hey Foley, hey Foley, your kid’s are bastards. Hey Foley, hey Foley, the WWE sucks!
At this Foley turns around and nails Funk. Foley throws a bunch of punches at Funk. Funk looks like a ragdoll but then mounts an assault. Edge rushes the ring with a barbed wire bat. Funk turns on Edge and takes him down. Lita rushes in from behind and gives Funk a low blow.
Edge picks up the baseball bat while Foley holds Funk up. Edge nails Funk with the bat a couple times. Foley pulls out Mr Socko for the mandible claw. Edge speaks Funk while Foley rides the claw down to the mat. Foley screams in Funk’s face.
Foley kisses Lita’s hand as they celebrate in the ring.

- Commercial

he was going to talk about how immigration ruins the economy, but then he realizes all the people there are immigrants. He says tonight Eugene learns a lesson courtesy of our teacher Matt Striker.
Eugene comes out with a huge red foam cowboy hat. Striker knocks the hat from his head. Eugene goes outside to get the hat and Striker follows him. Striker punches Eugene so he lands on the floor. Striker kicks Eugene in the face and rolls him back in the ring. Get gets Eugene in a corner and drives his knee into Eugene’s face. He gets a headlock on Eugene in the center of the ring. He then drives his knee into Eugene’s head. Striker then throws a bunch of punches. Striker calls Eugene a moron and drives his head into the turn buckle. Eugene goes Hogan on Striker and then an air plane spin. Eugene then nails a big boot and a leg drop for two. Eugene goes for the rock bottom but gets reversed into a neck breaker for three.

- Matt Striker

Video recap of Kane’s career starting with his first feud with Undertaker when he was fully clothed and masked. Then when Kane removes his mask and wants everyone to feel his pain. His attack on Linda McMahon and his feud with Shane. Now up to his new problem with May 19th and how he’s reacting to Show and everyone who says the date.

- Commercial

Video from the Texas Tornado match of earlier in the night. The video shows Shelton covers RVD barely a half a second before HHH covers Cena. Then HHH attacks the ref with a pedigree.

Outback Maria is outback with Carlito. She says Striker just beat Eugene. Last week Carlito almost beat Striker until Eugene got involved. Then Carlito beat up both Striker or Eugene. Doesn’t he like Eugene? He says he doesn’t like people interfering in his matches, it’s not cool.
Maria says maybe not, but Carlito’s shirt is very cool. She likes the mean face in the apple, but she doesn’t understand the words - “Do you spit or swallow?” She says she’s only seen Carlito spit when he’s eating an apple.
Carlito smirks and says the question is, does Maria ‘spit or swallow’?
Maria says, duh! When eating an apple she always swallows. Carlito puts his arm around her shoulders and hands her an apple with a big grin on his face.

Candice and Vince are on a sofa about to kiss when HHH comes in. Vince calls HHH by all of his pseudonyms. He says HHH was really close to winning earlier. So Vince scratched HHH back, even though it wasn’t as he thought it would be, now it’s time to scratch Vince’s back. He holds up a sledge and says HHH knows how to use it. He tells HHH to back HBK’s head in and then there will be a new era.
HHH takes the sledge and Vince tells him to, “Go get ‘em champ.” HHH glares and leaves never having said a word.

- Commercial

Estrada is in the ring and introduces himself with all three of his names - as usual. He says he heard through the grapevine this guy is the toughest in all Texas. Unfortunately Umaga is not from Texas. I think the kid’s name is Chris something - poor kid will be smooshed soon. Umaga comes down to the ring.
Umaga splashes Chris in a corner and then slams him to the mat. Umaga slides the kid out of the ring head first. He wraps his hands around Chris’ neck and stands him on the top of the stars. He then flips Chris over his head to land hard on the floor.
Back in the ring he hangs the kid up-side-down and slams into him. He then does his bum bump into the kid in the corner. Finally he does his samoan spike and covers for three. (I wish there was some variation to Umaga’s matches - it feels like I’m watching Goldberg matches again, SSDD. Quite boring.)

- Winner: Umaga

Smackdown Rebound shows Rey attack JBL behind the announce table. Rey then faces Khali (yet another lackluster big guy who can’t wrestle) only to get pinned. JBL verbally abuses Rey and then bitch slaps him from the ring.
Outback Spirit Squad is with Shane and give him a little cheer for being there for Kenny in his next match. Shane seems to be enjoying himself.

- Commercial

Replay of the video from the See No Evil premier.

Shane O’Mac comes down to the ring in his zebra shirt. He does his goofy little dance once he gets in the ring. Kenny then comes out wearing a Tag Title strap. Shane is applauding Kenny in the ring. HHH comes out to his ‘King Of Kings’ music. He’s wearing work out pants, a HHH shirt and is lovingly caressing his sledge.

- Commercial

Video from last week’s match when Cena and HBK faced the Spirit Squad. Kenny pinned HBK and then took the ref’s belt and whipped HBK with it.

Lillian announces HBK as ‘Texas’ own’. HBK comes down to the ring. HHH

they quickly exchange punches. HBK clotheslines Kenny from the ring and then chases Shane around the outside of the ring. Shane has a conference with HHH and Kenny. HHH says nothing.
HBK throws some blows and chops. Shane stops a punch and HBK gets slammed to the mat. Kenny gets on top and throws punches. Kenny screams that this is about taking his title shot. HBK gets whipped and then tossed from the ring. HHH stands but HBK attacks Kenny. HBK climbs but Shane pushes him from up top. Kenny gains the upper hand and covers for two.
Kenny drops some forearms. Shane takes off his belt and drops it for Kenny. Kenny begins to whip HBK. Kenny covers for a quick two count. Kenny chokes HBK with the belt to ‘HBK’ chants. HBK fights to his feet and throws punches to Kenny’s gut. HHH gets to his feet and Shane eggs him on.
In the ring HBK and Kenny exchange punches. HBK nails a flying forearm and an inverted atomic drop. Shane yells for Kenny to get up and HBK starts whipping Shane with his belt. HBK climbs and keeps his eyes on HHH. HBK drops a flying elbow on Kenny. HBK tunes up the band. Kenny walks into sweet chin music.
Shane rushes in and nails a spine buster on HBK. Shane throws punches and then nails a bunch of inverted back breakers on HBK. HHH gets to his feet and climbs into the ring with the sledge. He’s glaring the whole time. Shane is still holding HBK. HHH tells HBK he wants him to see it coming. HHH rears back and runs at HBK, but nails Shane with the sledge when HBK ducks out of the way. HHH looks down at Shane for a moment and then kneels down to check on him.
Vince runs to the ring and calls for help for his son. HHH leaves the ring with his sledge. Vince is screaming for help and some is bleeped out. One of the people in the ring to help Shane calls for a stretcher. Vince then clutches Shane to his chest and rocks him screaming. He kicks help away.
HHH is at the top of the ramp saying he’s sorry to Vince and that it was an accident. Vince holds Shane to his chest rocking, yelling and crying. Shane is motionless through it all. (Vince’s acting tonight was even worse than Mickie James. He’s normally quite good, but this clutching shane and crying was horrible!)