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The Official Joke Thread!
Old 12-17-2005, 04:57 PM   #1
Rocky
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Taking the idea from Fallens joke of the day - here's the start of the joke thread. Keep adding your new and favourites!

No offence to any Australians - this isn't my joke...

An Aussie bursts through the bedroom door and his wife looks up from the bed and sees him standing there with a sheep under his arm.

He's looking at his wife and shaking his head.

"This is the pig I have to fuck when you've got a headache" he says.

His wife looks confused.

"But that's a sheep!"

Her husband glares at her and says

"I wasn't talking to you!"
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Last edited by Rocky; 12-17-2005 at 04:59 PM.
 
 
Old 12-17-2005, 05:41 PM   #2
robcardu
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LOL.........LAMFAO.....HAAHAHAHAAHAHAAA
 
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Old 12-18-2005, 12:18 AM   #3
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hears a joke....two guys walk into a bar...you think the second one would have ducked
 
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Old 12-18-2005, 04:06 AM   #4
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LooooooL .. that was funny :)
 
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Old 12-18-2005, 05:45 AM   #5
Nothin' but a peanut!!
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lol NONE offence taken rocky - its not us aussies who are into the sheep, its the kiwis
heres one i heard years ago
no offence to any ppl
in the desert 3 guys english irish and scottish walking thru the desert
they find a magic lamp and are given 3 wishes
enlgihsman wishes for a fan, to keep cool while going thru the desert
scottish wants an air conditioner to keep cool thru the desert
irish wants a car door
confused they ask what for?
so when im going thru the desert i can wind down the window to keep cool!
i will think of a better one..
thats a promise ha
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Old 12-18-2005, 06:16 AM   #6
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oh I hope so peanut, I hope so......see ya at the gym tomorrow dude. :xmasbiggr
 
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Old 12-18-2005, 10:28 AM   #7
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loooooooool....nice 1......
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Old 12-18-2005, 10:45 AM   #8
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Well since this is an idea from my post i guess i better add to it lol

A Christmas Story
'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season!
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He can make love to you, im gonna beat it up
I caused dreams that cause death that is my crime
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Old 12-18-2005, 11:22 AM   #9
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LOL @ fallen
 
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Old 12-18-2005, 02:51 PM   #10
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Superb work.

What's E.T. short for?



Cos' he's got little legs!




That always makes me laugh for some reason...
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Old 12-18-2005, 04:34 PM   #11
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two muffins are sitting in an oven...one muffin looks at the other and says "man is it ever hot in here"..and the other muffin says "holy shit, a talking muffin!"
 
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Old 12-18-2005, 07:17 PM   #12
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lol.....
 
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Old 12-18-2005, 08:40 PM   #13
MaKaVeLi
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why do men think a lot and women talk a lot... men have 2 heads while women have 4 lips
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Old 12-18-2005, 10:12 PM