[CHRISCO 57]

FEMALE PRAYER
Before Ilay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.

MALE PRAYER

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a fishing boat. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
Amen.

[Rocky]

Little Johnny was in school when the teacher conducted a recitation for the class.

Teacher: Class, I'll give a letter and you give me a word that starts with it. Okay, letter "a."

Johnny was anxious to answer but she didn't call him because she knows that Johnny was a smart ass kid. So she called Anne.

Anne: Ma'am, apple.

Teacher: Very good! Next letter, "b."

No one was willing to answer except for little Johnny. The teacher now just thought of a letter that little Johnny won't think of having a mischievous answer.

Teacher: Ok Johnny, letter "z."

Johnny: Zebra!

Teahcer: Very good! I thought you're going to give some naughty answer.

Johnny: Don't worry ma'am... But the zebra do have a 16 inch cock!

[De_battre]

What's brown and sticky?


A stick.

[De_battre]

What is red and looks like a bucket?

A red bucket.

[De_battre]

What is green and looks like a bucket?

A red bucket in disguise.

[Rocky]

lol! De Battre - short and sweet.

[Rocky]

One for the Kiwi's! :)

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small Village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.

He figure's he'll have little fun.

Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?"

Kiwi: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

Dog: "Doin' all right."

Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the Kiwi)

Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Kiwi: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool"

Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the Kiwi)

Horse: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

Kiwi: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Kiwi: "The sheep's a fucking liar, don't believe a word she says!

[PUMBA]

**************************
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss

But I only slept with you, because I was p1ssed.

*************************

I thought that I could love no other

Until, that is, I met your brother.

**************************

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.

**************************

Of loving beauty you float with grace

If only you could hide your face.

****************************

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot

This describes everything you are not.

******************************

I want to feel your sweet embrace

But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

*******************************
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

************************************

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you screwed up my life.

************************************

I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming.

***************************************

My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

****************************************

My feelings for you no words can tell

Except for maybe "Go To Hell".

*****************************************

What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts vodka, one part lime.

*****************************************

THESE WERE THE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A RHYME
WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE BUT .... WITH THE LEAST ROMANTIC
SECOND.....

[Rocky]

That brought a tear to my eye Pumba - so romantic!!

A Jew, A Muslem and a Redneck man were walking through the mountains when it started to get dark.

So seeking shelter for the night they came across a small farm, knocking on the door they asked the farmer if they could stay the night.

He replied they were welcome but he only had two spare beds, but the other could sleep in the barn

So the Jew said no problem he would sleep in the barn.

10 minutes later he knocked on the door saying he could not sleep there as there was a pig in there.

So the Muslem said he would sleep in the barn. Again 10 minutes later he came knocking on the door saying he could not sleep there as there was a cow in there.

So the Redneck said he would sleep there.

10 minutes later the cow and the pig came knocking on the door.

[jornT]

More guys, more!

[Zomb131]

what's long green and smells like miss piggy?



Kermit's finger

[Nothin' but a peanut!!]

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.

Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"

[Rocky]

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an