[philosopher]

rocky is postin like a mad man in here...

good jokes bro

[jornT]

Originally Posted by chesticles

LOl I just spat tuna all over my keyboard. DAM YOU ROCKY!

Well mannerd people eat at tables.

[chesticles]

Who said I was a person?

[jornT]

Originally Posted by chesticles

Who said I was a person?

So what are you then?

[Rocky]

He's a sophisticated sex robot sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady.

Or is that Robcardu?

A rich millionaire throws a massive party for his 50th birthday. During this party, he grabs the microphone and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it.

"I will give anything of mine to the man who swims across that pool."

So the party continues with no events in the pool until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened.

In the pool a man is swimming as hard as he can and fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.

The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, "I am a man of my word. Anything of mine I will give: my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?"

The guy grabs the microphone and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the jerk who pushed me in!"

[philosopher]

An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him.

After they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him.

She said, "I can't do this, I have acute angina".

The old guy says "God, I hope so, you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen."

[philosopher]

The difference between having Guts and having Balls...

Guts is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

Balls is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next."

[philosopher]

One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's
crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at
the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions:
disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment,
skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it
aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her
husband.

"A penny for your thoughts," she said.

"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can
make a crib like that for only $46.50."

[Rocky]

lol! Nice ones! The 2nd was a repost - but the other 2 made up for it!

[fallen]

Mexican First Aid

Luis and Francisco were having the burrito special at their favorite cantina, when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned to see this viejita a few stools down turning blue from wolfing down some menudo too fast.

Francisco said to Luis, "What do you say Ese shall we help her?" Well yeah said Luis.

Francisco got up and walked oveer to the viejita and asked, "Can you briffe?", she shook her head que no, "Can you speak?", she shook her head no.

With that he helped her to her feet. Lifted up her skirt and licked her butt. She was so shocked, she coughed up the piece of menudo and began to breathe with great relief.

Franciso turned to his friend Luis and said. "Ordale Ese, see that Hind Lick Maneuver works every time."

[Nothin' but a peanut!!]

what do maccas and michael jackson have in common?
they both have 30 year old meat between 10 year old buns

whta did the mexican firefighter call his two sons?
Hose -A
and
Hose -B

[Rocky]

The Daily Telegraph recently conducted a poll of male readers to see what exactly each enjoyed from a blow job.

Seven per cent said they most enjoyed the sensations.

Five per cent confessed their chief enjoyment came from the sense of domination.

Eighty eight per cent said they really enjoyed the peace and quiet.

[Rocky]

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.

As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies
sitting in a used car.

He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they
trying to steal it?

"Heavens no, we bought it."

"Then why don't you drive it away."

"We can't drive."

"Then why did you buy it?"

"We were told that if we bought a Used car here we'd get screwed, so we're
just waiting.

[Rocky]

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to
file her taxes.

The accountant says: "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few
questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc, and then
asks, "what is your occupation?"

"I'm a whore," she says.

The accountant balks and says, "No, No, No, that won't work. That is too
gross. Let's try to rephrase that."

The woman says, "OK., I'm a high-end call girl."

"No, that is still too crude. Try again."

They both think for a minute, then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken
farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a
whore & call girl?

"Well, I raised over a thousand ****s last year."

He replies: "Good enough

[robcardu]

lmao....those were good!!

[Project Evo]

A bloke gets a job at the local zoo and on his first day he goes to the head keeper and asks what he wants him to do. The head keeper tells him to clean out the tropical fish tank.

So he is busy scrubbing the sides of the tank with all the brightly coloured tropical fish darting about, when a great big monstrous fish swims up and bites his hand. He tries to shake it off but it won't let go and in desperation he starts to hammer the creature against the side of the tank.

Eventually it lets go but sadly it dies in the struggle and floats to the top. "****!" thinks our man, first day on the job and I've killed one of the exhibits, what am I going to do? He decides he has to get rid of the evidence and the lions look like the best bet because they will eat anything.

Stuffing the fish under his coat he sneaks off to the lions enclosure and while no one is looking he lobs it over the fence where it is devoured by the lions.

He goes back to the head keeper and asks what he wants him to do next. The keeper tells him to sweep out the monkey cage. So he is merrily shovelling up the muck from the bottom of the monkey cage when - splat! a lump of turd hits him on the back of the head. He turns around to see a playful pair of chimpanzees gibbering with delight at their new game.

Our man gives the mischievous monkeys a firm stare and tries to carry on cleaning the cage - splat! goes another turd, and splat! another makes a direct hit. For an insane moment our new boy's patience snaps and in a fit of rage he swings round with his shovel and clatters the 2 monkeys, killing them stone dead.

"**** and double ****!" thinks our man, look what I've done now, what am I going to do? So he thinks to himself, the lions worked last time maybe I'll try it again, they eat anything don't they? He drags the dead monkeys to the lion enclosure and lobs then over the fence where they are promptly devoured by the lions.

Again our hapless worker goes to the zoo keeper and asks what wants doing next. Where he is told to collect the honey from the Amazonian killer bees. He is busy pulling the honey filled boards from the beehive when a bee stings him, then another and another until the whole swarm of bees is buzzing angrily around his head. In a panic he lashes out with the honey soaked board and batters every last bee into a pulp. "Sh*t, Not Again!!!" he thinks and as you might have guessed the lions eat anything, so again he takes the evidence to the lion enclosure and throws it in, where they are devoured by the lions.

The next day a new lion is delivered to the zoo. He strolls into the lion enclosure and meets the rest of the lions.

"Hello" he says.

"Alright" say the other lions

"What's it like here then?" asks the new lion

"Not bad" say the other lions

"Food ok?" enquires the new lion

"Yeah, brilliant, yesterday we had Fish, Chimps and Mushy Bees!"

[Project Evo]

Just how sick can we be with these, coz I've got some corkers (oo-er!). My last intention is to offend anyone though.

[jornT]

Originally Posted by Vai's Evo

Just how sick can we be with these, coz I've got some corkers (oo-er!). My last intention is to offend anyone though.

Now things get intresting! Post them!
And if you don't have the guts, pm them to me and I will, insulting people is my main object here!

[Project Evo]

I will then. No wonder Rocky comends you jornT, you've got BALLS!!!

[Project Evo]

Q: How many ******s does it take to put in a light bulb?
A: Only one...but it takes an entire Emergency Room to get it out.

[Project Evo]

Q: What do the gynecologist and the pizza delivery boy have in common?
A: They can both smell it but they can't eat it!

[Project Evo]

Believe me, I can get sicker!!

[jornT]

Originally Posted by Vai's Evo

Believe me, I can get sicker!!

I call bluff!

[Project Evo]

Are you just trying to get me banned???

[Rocky]

You are sick Mr Evo. I don't know why I associate with you. I am pure of mind and heart.

[jornT]

Originally Posted by Vai's Evo

Are you just trying to get me banned???

Would be nice.
PM them to me and I'll post them you sissy!

[TrueOutlaw]

a lady goes into a bar and sees a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. he has the biggest feet she has ever seen. the woman asks the cowboy if what they say about men with big feet is true. the cowboy says sure is why don't you come back to my place and let me prove it. the woman figures why not and spends the night with him. the next day, she hands the cowboy a $100 bill. blushing he says i'm flattered nobody has paid me for my prowess before. the woman replies, well don't be. take this money and go buy yourself some boots that fit.

[Project Evo]

Originally Posted by jornT

Would be nice.
PM them to me and I'll post them you sissy!

Q: What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl?

A: Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone

I'll PM the rest!!!!

[Rocky]

Don't bother! There's no degree of decency on here! Just keep ;em coming!

[Rocky]

Woo-hoo! I'm now over 3000 posts!