[jornT]

Originally Posted by jornT

Last post is brilliant Rock!

Edit: You're gay.

[Rocky]

^^Ah, that's more like it!

[Rocky]

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress!

Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.

Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did.

She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"

In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500." Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

[jornT]

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

[Gumby51cm]

dude that is fuckin funny rocky

[Rocky]

Cheers fellas! I'm tryin'!

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch this time, Dave."

[CHRISCO 57]

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are
> at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones
> because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes
> take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at
> the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're
> amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who
> is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
> >
> Now men.... men are like a fine wine. They begin as
> grapes! , and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn
> into something acceptable to have dinner with

[Gumby51cm]

Originally Posted by CHRISCO 57

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are
> at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones
> because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes
> take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at
> the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're
> amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who
> is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
> >
> Now men.... men are like a fine wine. They begin as
> grapes! , and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn
> into something acceptable to have dinner with

REPOST!!! Rocky showed us this one ages ago! get with the times man! lol

[Rocky]

This is an oldie but what the hell...

A woman and a man get into a car accident, and it's a bad one.

Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The man replied," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head, opens it and says "You take the first drink", then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately chugs half of it, puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The woman asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The man replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police..."

[jornT]

Why bother the alcohol test, police should know bt know that it's always the woman!

[Rocky]

Ooh! Check the sexist - good job Banshee isn't around to hear that! :)

A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says,

'I hope you don't mind but I really do need to pee.' Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies,

'OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge.'

She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer , he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror,

'My God Mary ... have you got a cock?'

'No,' she repliesin a strained voice.'I changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead.'

[jornT]

They're becoming better and better.

[Rocky]

The difference in attitude before and after sex.

This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly, "Hey my little sweetie-pie, your lickle hubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."
The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first." So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.
Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh baby, are you ok? Is your little nose all right?"
No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.
Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."