Great One Liner's,,some funny humor

**chrispghmuscle** · 01-25-2008, 10:15 AM

1 What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

2 What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

3 Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

4 What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

5 Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

6 What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

7 What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

8 What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs

9 What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

10 What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife

11 Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

12 Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

13 What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

14 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

15 Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

16 What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

17 What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

18 Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

19 Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

20 Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

21 Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

22 Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a
blonde baby?T
hey named him "Sum Ting Wong"

23 What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment

24 What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

25 How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!<== this is sooo true,, I have seen and heard it for myself.. LMAO

26 What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?A
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time .." -
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit....

Compliments of my wonderfull wife.
Chris

Stabber · 01-25-2008, 11:40 AM

Chris bro, you got a lot of these funny threads

Stabber · 01-25-2008, 11:41 AM

I especially like #12 haha

**chrispghmuscle** · 01-25-2008, 11:43 AM

You have to break it up a bit and get everyone laughing. We don't need to be all serious and stuff 24x7...

**bbdude** · 01-25-2008, 01:30 PM

#12 and #26

**chrispghmuscle** · 01-25-2008, 01:38 PM

Yeah I liked those ones also..

**Kirk** · 01-25-2008, 01:49 PM

hahaha yes!!! i love these things.

**chrispghmuscle** · 01-25-2008, 01:53 PM

AHHA,,thanks for stopping by

**Kirk** · 01-25-2008, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chrispghmuscle

AHHA,,thanks for stopping by

chris you can always count on swinging by to check out your threads.

**chrispghmuscle** · 01-25-2008, 02:04 PM

Thanks Kirk,, I appreciate you saying that.. I feel all warm an cozy now.. ( ok did that sound gay to anyone,, ok,,,, ( here I go again) disclaimer,, no homo intended) ahh i feel better now..

LOL. I can't wait until you hit PA bro.. I'm heading to OC in June 14 to the 20,,,YEAH Man, Firefighter's week in Ocean City Md...Oh Yeah

Summer Beach on 34 St. I believe

Chris