Really Dying for Advice

GymRatPsycho · 10-10-2009, 05:07 PM

Hey guys, 4 days ago me and my girlfriend who I love to the end of the world and back broke up, and I have been having some serious issues. I had just gotten over a flu where I lost like 6 lbs, and then just as I was getting back into it, this happened. I'm absolutely crushed by this, and its really affecting my training and diet. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I sure as hell can't train very well. I really don't know what to do!! I'm getting really frustrated with this whole deal, and I'm not sure what to do...

GettinITDone · 10-10-2009, 05:33 PM

Hey man, first of all I want to say that I'm sorry. I don't know the extent of your relationship nor the breakup, but I'm sorry. I know it's easier said than done, but you just gotta keep your head up. Go to your closest friends, hang out, keep your mind off of it. Personally, where I go to clear my mind of stress/sadness is the gym. I just feel better when I'm in the gym and physical exercise is a great way to release stress. However, by the sound of it, it's not helping the situation (possibly even making it worse?). Just get out of the house and hang out with people (family, friends, etc.). If you have to, take a week off from the gym; it'll be good for your body (and mind) to rest and recovery fully. Maintain a positive attitude in this man; I know, easier said than done, right? It might sound corny and might not be what you want to hear, but it just wasn't meant to be. I'm a firm believer than there is a reason behind every success and mishap in life , and all of those mishaps eventually lead to success. I don't know how old you are man, but there is plenty of time to find someone else; and you will. So, to reiterate, get a support group; talk to your closest friends and they will understand you and be able to help. Try your best to keep the diet in check. If the gym isn't helping to relieve the stress/"depression," it wouldn't hurt to take a week off. Lastly, stay positive. If there is anything any of the members here can do to help, just let us know. We've got a great group of guys (and a few girls) here that can be a great support system. Just let us know.

Famine · 10-10-2009, 05:44 PM

Sorry about your situation man; it sucks. From experience I would suggest to keep as much going on "as normal" as possible, because enough other stuff is going to get FUBARed before all is better. The last thing you want to do is throw yourself into a downward spiral.

As for the gym, I'd break up the routine for this reason: you don't want a crappy workout to make you feel even worse about yourself. When I have a strict routine, and I can't push what I know I should be able to, I get pissed, and then that affects my next routine. But if you keep it fresh, you can let off some steam, not worry about hitting your goals for a while, but still get all the positive from lifting.

Beyond that, all those cliches that people say but don't offer any solice...well there is a reason they are cliches (overused sayings), because they are usually true. And if I can throw one out there, time heals most everything.

GymRatPsycho · 10-10-2009, 06:49 PM

Wow guys, thats really helpfull stuff. Thanks so much. Definately going to keep ya'll informed

tps154 · 10-10-2009, 07:40 PM

i had the same situation in the summer. it goes without saying that it really sucks, sorry this happened but like everyone else said try to rise above this and look at the positive that came out of it. you probably learned so much about yourself thru this, and time will heal it. personally, i am much happier now, and this is only a few months removed from when i felt like you do now. keeping moving forward, you can rise out of this and be at a better place because of it.

GettinITDone · 10-11-2009, 02:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GymRatPsycho

Wow guys, thats really helpfull stuff. Thanks so much. Definately going to keep ya'll informed

No problem. Like I said, this forum is made up a great group of people who actually care about peoples' lives, both in and out of the gym. I found this article on Yahoos front page. It's kind of corny, but there are some good tips. Breakup Recovery 101: Five Rules You Must Follow! - Love + Sex on Shine Just keep us updated and keep on keepin' on.

Stonecold21 · 10-11-2009, 06:11 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your situation bro. I can empathize with you. From experience, just a bit of functional advice re workouts, because of the stress & inadequate diet, your recovery is probably going to suffer till things normalize and you get your appetite back, I recommend shorter workouts and maybe higher reps rather than heavier weights. The shorter (less intense) workouts will keep additional cortisol levels low (your cotisol levels might be high because of stress) and higher reps will give you a good pump and increase circulation, which would help in de-stressing. Hopefully, you feel better man, it sucks but you'll get through this.

spritz0 · 10-11-2009, 12:14 PM

Nothing feels worse than a loss of love, but take it as a learning experience and start from a new page in life... you never know who you might have been checking you out when you weren't looking!!!

Kevsworld · 10-11-2009, 09:38 PM

Breakups really stink. The next week or two will be hard--just kind of stay in "survival mode": do the things you know you have to do and don't expect to feel great about life. But after a week or two you'll slowly but surely start to feel like yourself again and the joy of life will return.

pride75 · 10-11-2009, 10:14 PM

Ya man it sucks. I had the situation happen to me over the summer I didn't see it coming and it hit me real hard...I was down for a while and it sucked...so what did I do?...I got after it in the gym, cardio, diet, etc...I got back to school she was 15lbs fatter and I was 15 lbs lighter (fat loss lol). I'm not going to say I did it out of spite but it's nice to know that it didn't stop me....And your break up isn't going to stop you...you can't let it. You had fitness goals before this girl and they haven't changed keep that in mind. This is a time to get weaker or get stronger and I'm sure you know what you need to do...Train hard man pull through and don't let anyone or anything keep you down....#1 is your only concern now.
And as I'm sure everyone is telling you IT WILL GET BETTER!!!

GENOMYX · 10-12-2009, 02:41 AM

Great advice above. For sure take sometime for yourself and recover. Still hit the gym but dont worry about not getting the most out of workouts etc, that fact that your still going to the gym is huge. Not doing anything at all will make it worse and doing to much may be just as bad. Keep a routine and hit the gym hard when your ready. Part of lifting is lifting hard and the other part is lifting smart. You know were all here for ya.

Boo71 · 10-12-2009, 10:03 AM

I know this sounds funny but pump up like you've never done before, take the pain/rage/hate/love and channel that into your workout. I dunno but that worked for me in the past. The best way to get over a break is to always move on and find a new fish!

spritz0 · 10-12-2009, 11:25 AM

Thanks Boo71 for saying that, it really does work channeling your energy like that!!

Determined 08 · 10-12-2009, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boo71

I know this sounds funny but pump up like you've never done before, take the pain/rage/hate/love and channel that into your workout. I dunno but that worked for me in the past. The best way to get over a break is to always move on and find a new fish!

I had some of the strongest strength gains after my old gf broke up with me. Go in and train hard. Imagine her being with another guy (sorry for making you think of this) and beat the **** out of everything in your way!!! Seriously man you gotta use the pain while you can. Stress is the most catabolic thing out there and its a muscle killer. I'm not expecting you to be heartless man just use the pain. I know how it feels and I hope ya feel better. My prayers are with ya man

**A-Ron21** · 10-13-2009, 10:45 AM

The more you talk about it, the better. If this board doesn't help enough there is nothing wrong with talking to a counselor, there are lots of different mechanisms that your brain has when it comes to loss and grief, and a counselor or psychologist can really help when it comes to explaining them and how you can really effectively cope with it.

pride75 · 10-13-2009, 01:48 PM

cosign very true...talk about it with anyone if it won't hurt her...it feels great to vent

GymRatPsycho · 10-24-2009, 10:28 PM

Sorry I never got back to you guys. I really really do appreciate all your help, and since I wrote this, everything has gotten much much better. Talking about it with everyone made me realize that there is a way to get over it all, and that somethings may work themselves out. I believe she wants it again, and that her crazy psycho ****ed up best friend is brainwashing her to think otherwise. If you had been here boys, you would agree hahah. One more huge question. I was at my heaviest in my life a while ago (182lbs) and I was blown away by how great I felt. Then I got my nose broken and lost weight because I couldnt train or eat properly. Then got the flu and lost weight for the same reasons. Then the breakup, lost more weight, then got the flu again.. Lost more weight.. I actually dropped 32 pounds. I weighed in a week ago and I was 152 pounds... Its brutal. I need to know what to do to get that weight back. What are the best PACKING foods??? Best PACKING exercises?! Help bOYS!!

**A-Ron21** · 10-24-2009, 10:48 PM

Just keeping doing what you were doing. Muscle memory will make it come back fast. I know how you feel. I lost 25lbs from a surgery last year and gained it back within 4 months.

GymRatPsycho · 10-24-2009, 10:53 PM

awwhwhh man i dont wanna wait it out for 4 months!!!

spritz0 · 10-25-2009, 02:29 PM

ALL you can do is the muscle memory route unless you turn to a prohormone or gear, but if I were you I'd just go heavier with the workouts, and reduce workout days to 3-4 a week, depending on how heavy you go. I just started doing 225 on bent-over rows, and 310 for 1 rep on bench press and am as sore as hell (like a freakin' noob) so I can only do 3 serious days a week, plus one day strictly abs and calves!

getting_bigger · 10-25-2009, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GymRatPsycho

Hey guys, 4 days ago me and my girlfriend who I love to the end of the world and back broke up, and I have been having some serious issues. I had just gotten over a flu where I lost like 6 lbs, and then just as I was getting back into it, this happened. I'm absolutely crushed by this, and its really affecting my training and diet. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I sure as hell can't train very well. I really don't know what to do!! I'm getting really frustrated with this whole deal, and I'm not sure what to do...

little things to make you not think about it make a big difference...

this might sound weird but i change my ring tone and message alert tone on my mobile when ever i break up with a girl as it reminds me of them..

to get back into training seriously you need to block out as much as you can about your x and then turn it into drive to work out harder...

no appetite from breaking up is a killer and that needs to be tackled ...
again having as little contact with your x is one way and try to forget will slowly stop your stomach been in knots

and lastly find another chick for a one night stand,,, works wonders.. trust me....

**A-Ron21** · 10-25-2009, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by getting_bigger

and lastly find another chick for a one night stand,,, works wonders.. trust me....

No. This is a stupid decision. Having meaningless sex shortly after a breakup is just a way to subdue the natural feelings of loss and grief with physical pleasure. Its an easy way to lure yourself into self abusive behavior. If you want attachment-free sex, thats fine, but you need to be emotionally stable and understand everything that is involved with that.

**HawaiianPride.** · 10-25-2009, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by A-Ron21

No. This is a stupid decision. Having meaningless sex shortly after a breakup is just a way to subdue the natural feelings of loss and grief with physical pleasure. Its an easy way to lure yourself into self abusive behavior. If you want attachment-free sex, thats fine, but you need to be emotionally stable and understand everything that is involved with that.

Ladies would be all over you if they read this.... or maybe they already are. Hm.

**A-Ron21** · 10-25-2009, 11:08 PM

Haha, i have a girlfriend, and she basically is awesome.

edit - no, she didn't make me type that lol

BaldwinBoy · 11-03-2009, 05:45 PM

...but as shallow experiences go, it's one of the best."

Woody Allen

Quote:

Originally Posted by A-Ron21

No. This is a stupid decision. Having meaningless
sex shortly after a breakup is just a way to subdue the natural feelings of loss and grief with physical pleasure. Its an easy way to lure yourself into self abusive behavior. If you want attachment-free sex, thats fine, but you need to be emotionally stable and understand everything that is involved with that.