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I'm f*cked up in the head
Old 04-15-2008, 10:19 PM   #1
n88tr
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So I called my mom as she requested I call her atleast once a week while I'm at uni. I told her about my near throw up [she's not behind my weightlifting or eating while on a cut and definitely not a supporter of any supps] and working a lot towards muscular failure and being constantly anabolic. My family doesn't mind my spending money on supps, they just want me to be happy, and I'm starting to think, fat.

She suggested, among many downers, getting another PT at some local gym at home. I told her I feel like a failure doing that, always going back to basics as the PTs always do with you, treating you so simply. I mean, I think I'm doing fine, I just need better nutritional help and suggestions with cutting.

Another thing she said was that I am [something like] "abusing how my body is supposed to operate." WTF does that mean? I say that my body is weak and I need to shape it, lose fat, gain muscle and then I will be properly using my body, as a tool and not my mind governing my body. My mind is MY WORST enemy, not the body's leader. My mind wants to eat bars and not do cardio because it's hard. My mind is the enemy. My spirit [though I'm not religious I still use the word] and soul wants to cut, as well as my ego that needs to be comforted, as well as being quite vain.

I never feel supported in any way. I mean, if I was 250 lbs and ripped like Arnold my parents could care less, it's all up to me and what I want to do. It's hard to pursue your goals w/o any support. My PT is just a student, if I died tomorrow I doubt he'd care. You guys are seriously my support base and the main people I go to for advice. I don't know if this is pitiful [no disrespect] but I wish I was a smarter person, more driven to acquire knowledge and execute my plans with the utmost consistency.

I want to share my experiences and small gains with those close to me, but my mom doesn't really want to hear it, my dad just doesn't want me to lift anything with any chance of injury and my older bro is I think scared that I want to get bulked. I'm slowly realizing what not to mention to my family, gains, losses, success and especially failures [that only re-enforces their opinion that I'm doing it all wrong and should stop it all], and to just enjoy their company, while speaking little.

I've lost touch with my older bro who I think I am good friends with but with college [he's in it too but at a different uni] and his other interests, I hardly ever see. Like one rare occasions he wants to go out and get pizza [he's thin, but eats junk all the time, damn my genetics] I can't because maybe I just had a small meal or if I am hungry I have to pack my own shit like salad and some chicken or tuna and he wants me to eat pizza with him and be part of it all but I can't. I can't allow myself anything, it really fucks with my head and my body chemistry, carbs and sugars especially.

It's like it's a secret, my cutting now and bulking I will do later. I mean it's really public, eating and working out with others, but it's a singular activity and I wonder if that is what is best. My first reaction is yes, I like it, I like where I'm going [little gains here and there, lots of mistakes but I'm getting better as time goes on] and how I feel when I work out but most of the time, post workout, I feel like all my time was wasted. I guess I need a PT, someone who knows more than how to do a squat and that pulldowns are good for the back, but I don't want to get stuck with someone who sets me down with plastic balls and jump ropes. I want to go hardcore, weights and cardio, not all that sissy stuff I see at all the 'fitness centers.'

It's not a crisis, but I just wanted to voice what is always on my mind. I think of BBing and nutrition probably 80% of my waking hours, I am fully obsessed. If I read that brown rice is better than wheat bread, I go out and get the stuff and eat it, I don't have any permanent quality sources of nutrition, I do think I need to see a nutritionist though. My school work hasn't suffered though, it's always pretty easy for me to just concentrate and get stuff done but when I have free time, I go pretty much go nuts with worry and stress, thinking I'm doing it all wrong and big gains are just around the corner if I did x or y differently. I've had tons of times to burn out and quit but I'm not that kind of guy, honestly. If there's something I've wanted to do, I have ALWAYS gotten it done, even to great expense to my time, energy, and body.

Comments are much appreciated.
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Old 04-15-2008, 10:25 PM   #2
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Dont let outside influences stop you from doing what you enjoy. I lost 6months of gym life and just short of 20kg in that time because I let the negatives in from people around me..

Dont make the same mistake
 
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f*%K DA HATERS!
Old 04-15-2008, 10:38 PM   #3
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F*@K Da Haters regardless of who they are, just keep pushing on towards your personal goals. Continue to and , I wish you the best of luck!
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Old 04-16-2008, 12:13 AM   #4
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Just ignore the negative influences around you and focus on your goals. Also remember that gains don't happen overnight, unless you're really gifted, it takes many months and years of hard work to make big gains. Just remember that there is no secret to bodybuilding, all it takes is hard work, consistency, and proper rest and nutrition. There is no secret formula.
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Old 04-16-2008, 01:08 AM   #5
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You've got the right mindset, but you really need to not let your enjoyment of the sport become an obsession, so much that it leads to stress and anxiety. Sometimes you really need to just keep it simple, and stop over analyzing things. Dont be impatient, progress comes with time, regardless of your right here/now attitude. This is a one man sport, support from others is nice, but ultimately it comes back to you, how hard are you going to push, how much are you going to learn, how long are you willing to commit to the intensity of it all. This sport effects everyone emotionally and mentally probably more so then physically, you just need to be able to hold your own and control yourself. I wish you lots of luck, and the dungeon is here for you.
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Old 04-16-2008, 03:55 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by n88tr View Post
So I called my mom as she requested I call her atleast once a week while I'm at uni. I told her about my near throw up [she's not behind my weightlifting or eating while on a cut and definitely not a supporter of any supps] and working a lot towards muscular failure and being constantly anabolic. My family doesn't mind my spending money on supps, they just want me to be happy, and I'm starting to think, fat.

She suggested, among many downers, getting another PT at some local gym at home. I told her I feel like a failure doing that, always going back to basics as the PTs always do with you, treating you so simply. I mean, I think I'm doing fine, I just need better nutritional help and suggestions with cutting.

Another thing she said was that I am [something like] "abusing how my body is supposed to operate." WTF does that mean? I say that my body is weak and I need to shape it, lose fat, gain muscle and then I will be properly using my body, as a tool and not my mind governing my body. My mind is MY WORST enemy, not the body's leader. My mind wants to eat bars and not do cardio because it's hard. My mind is the enemy. My spirit [though I'm not religious I still use the word] and soul wants to cut, as well as my ego that needs to be comforted, as well as being quite vain.

I never feel supported in any way. I mean, if I was 250 lbs and ripped like Arnold my parents could care less, it's all up to me and what I want to do. It's hard to pursue your goals w/o any support. My PT is just a student, if I died tomorrow I doubt he'd care. You guys are seriously my support base and the main people I go to for advice. I don't know if this is pitiful [no disrespect] but I wish I was a smarter person, more driven to acquire knowledge and execute my plans with the utmost consistency.

I want to share my experiences and small gains with those close to me, but my mom doesn't really want to hear it, my dad just doesn't want me to lift anything with any chance of injury and my older bro is I think scared that I want to get bulked. I'm slowly realizing what not to mention to my family, gains, losses, success and especially failures [that only re-enforces their opinion that I'm doing it all wrong and should stop it all], and to just enjoy their company, while speaking little.

I've lost touch with my older bro who I think I am good friends with but with college [he's in it too but at a different uni] and his other interests, I hardly ever see. Like one rare occasions he wants to go out and get pizza [he's thin, but eats junk all the time, damn my genetics] I can't because maybe I just had a small meal or if I am hungry I have to pack my own shit like salad and some chicken or tuna and he wants me to eat pizza with him and be part of it all but I can't. I can't allow myself anything, it really fucks with my head and my body chemistry, carbs and sugars especially.

It's like it's a secret, my cutting now and bulking I will do later. I mean it's really public, eating and working out with others, but it's a singular activity and I wonder if that is what is best. My first reaction is yes, I like it, I like where I'm going [little gains here and there, lots of mistakes but I'm getting better as time goes on] and how I feel when I work out but most of the time, post workout, I feel like all my time was wasted. I guess I need a PT, someone who knows more than how to do a squat and that pulldowns are good for the back, but I don't want to get stuck with someone who sets me down with plastic balls and jump ropes. I want to go hardcore, weights and cardio, not all that sissy stuff I see at all the 'fitness centers.'

It's not a crisis, but I just wanted to voice what is always on my mind. I think of BBing and nutrition probably 80% of my waking hours, I am fully obsessed. If I read that brown rice is better than wheat bread, I go out and get the stuff and eat it, I don't have any permanent quality sources of nutrition, I do think I need to see a nutritionist though. My school work hasn't suffered though, it's always pretty easy for me to just concentrate and get stuff done but when I have free time, I go pretty much go nuts with worry and stress, thinking I'm doing it all wrong and big gains are just around the corner if I did x or y differently. I've had tons of times to burn out and quit but I'm not that kind of guy, honestly. If there's something I've wanted to do, I have ALWAYS gotten it done, even to great expense to my time, energy, and body.

Comments are much appreciated.
Firstly let me say your parents are worried about you, so forgive them if they overreact and I know the others have said fuck em, well Im saying your over focussed and dont lose your support network, youll need it when the shit hits the fan in life , Thinking of bodybuilding 80% time, why? are you competing in the next 8 weeks? No what your trying to achieve is a good physique. This will not happen overnight, it takes years of consitancy and that means having built in breaks, where you go and meet your bro/family and friends for Pizza, have a drink, live a life and be a human being. Yes, you can be dedicated, but have at least a treat day one day a week, when you make the effort to go out meet friends/family and be aware of talking 24/7 about bodybuilding, it like any other obsession will take control of your life, so make the effort to regain control, you maybe doing this for another 20-40 yrs, so make it a lifestyle and that means a part of your life that fits in with other aspects and not the all consuming factor it appears to be at the moment. Even when Im dieting for a show, i still go out for a meal one day a week up until the last eight weeks, it makes you me feel mentally and it keeps your metabolic rate high, so assists you physically too!
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Last edited by moorey; 04-16-2008 at 04:01 AM.
 
 
Old 04-16-2008, 04:15 AM   #7
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First thing to do is not stress, you don't need that catabolic stress on your mind lol.

Just do what you need to do to continue bodybuilding, keep reading up on more information and learn. The more you know the less you stress, theres a point where you know enough that you'll be completely comfortable in what you want.
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Old 04-16-2008, 05:38 AM   #8
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I agree with Moorey 100% on this.You need to keep your family close.Like you said just dont bother talking about all of it if they are not interested or if they would have neg remarks.None of my friends or family are into the same things I am.I really dont have a support group for this part of my life but this is my world I would rather have it that way.Its my time.When I go to the gym its my way of letting go of everything else in my life just for a couple of hours.It really helps me deal with life itself.I use to want a partner or even get my wife to go with me but in the end I realized i would rather she didnt.

"The gym is my world and the Iron is my only true friend"
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Old 04-16-2008, 08:36 AM   #9
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im not going to say what you need to do, because i don't know, but i will say what you can do, and that is ask any of us anytime for help with lifting workouts, nutrition, meals, cooking, different types of cardio, ANYTHING

if you have a question bro... JUST ASK

everyone here really knows their shit also so you wont have to worry about bad info
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Old 04-16-2008, 10:57 AM   #10
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i agree with the others.. Parents will always be worried and concerned. And dont stress cus stress releases cortisol (Learnt it in psychology haha)
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Old 04-16-2008, 02:30 PM   #11
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Im in that situation also, i have gained alot and i look fine but im not satisifed with my body, i wanna look bigger . But my parents say right now you are perfect dont get bigger. They said the same thing last yr when i was 155 lbs " you look good" lol. but i try not to listen cuz they ll stop me from reaching my goal.


I get my motivation from you guys, and the ppl in the gym, They motivate me and tell me i have a good base and keep on doing what i love.

So i say just do what you like, its your life but try to keep that balance with ur family and ur own. Dont get disconnected from the world out there.
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